Originally published in the The Theraplay® Institute Newsletter of Winter 1999/2000

TIME FOR PARENTS

David Myrow, Ph.D.

Private Practice, West Seneca, New York

Theraplay treatment acknowledges that parents are the most important people in their children’s lives by including parents in the process from the very beginning. Based on healthy child-parent relationships, rather than on pathology, Theraplay strives to help parents understand their children’s needs more fully, and helps parents develop strategies for meeting those needs. Theraplay also helps parents feel more confident about themselves and their children. This issue of the Newsletter introduces Theraplay to parents, explains the theory behind the approach, and offers some ideas on how to apply Theraplay principles at home.

First and foremost, Theraplay is an interactional approach to understanding and helping children and their families. The assumption is that children and their parents influence each other. For example, when a child resists hugs or comforting, parents may feel uncertain of their parenting skills. The parents may try harder to approach the child, who then may pull away even more because of a discomfort with closeness.

Theraplay assumes that, in healthy families, the parents need to be in charge. Parents have the advantage of intellectual and experiential knowledge needed to guide children, to challenge them, to comfort them, and to protect them. Even in the best situations, this can be a tall order. It is more difficult when children come to us with special challenges. For example, children who are born with biological challenges (irritable temperaments, deafness, autism, for example) test even the most caring and devoted parents. Parents want to know how to help their children. And parents and their children need to be able to enjoy each other.

Being a parent offers endless challenges and opportunities. Children bring out a lot in adults! They remind us of our own childhoods, the good times and the bad. They remind us of our own life struggles. Children offer us new opportunities to master frustration! They may flatter us one moment, and engender self-doubts the next. But they may also remind us of our dreams, or help us generate new ones. Theraplay helps parents get in touch with themselves as well as their children. Most of all Theraplay helps parents and children get closer and more engaged with each other, so that they all can feel more competent, important, and loved.